Wedding dishes out an extra dose of love

There are many ways to confront, and move on, from the grief of losing a loved one. As a grateful participant in the grief support program sponsored by the Jewish Pavilion and Vitas Healthcare, here is part of my story. 

My daughter Sara got married this past July in Manchester, Vermont, to her long-time boyfriend Griffin. She did all the extensive wedding planning, of both the ceremony and reception, on her own. I knew a lot of details about the reception ahead of time, but precious few about the ceremony. I did know that God would be mentioned, and that the wine glass would be crushed. The most pressing question for me was whether my dear mom, Fanny, would be mentioned, especially since Sara had a very close relationship with my mother. (Fanny passed away in November 2014). 

During the ceremony, I remember hearing a recitation of family members who had passed away representing both the bride and groom's families. I felt it odd that I didn't hear my mom's name. Maybe it had been read and I was just spacing out? But then I heard the officiant say, "Sara wanted to especially remember her grandmother, Fanny Edelstein, who has a seat reserved for her at the end of this front row." I looked at the end of the row where I was sitting, and there was a chair with a sign, "Reserved for Fanny Edelstein." The chair was adorned with a bouquet of flowers and a photo of Sara with Fanny, and had one of Fanny's white sweaters wrapped around it.

Sara then left the chuppah and went over to the chair and knelt down in front of it for a few seconds of silence. I like to think Sara was clearly sharing her happiness with Fanny, and Fanny was sharing hers back. 

In a wedding ceremony that was filled with many beautiful moments, that was for me perhaps the most beautiful of all. One way to deal with grief is to celebrate the love embodied by those we have lost. Happily, that's a lesson I learned from my own daughter on her wedding day 

Two other thoughts on this story. First, to make a scenario like this happen, one needs to have the support of one's fiancee. Sara's support from her now-husband Griffin Isabel, was wonderful. Secondly, when I asked Sara if I might share this story with The Jewish Pavilion and The Heritage, she said  "Sure. Maybe it will inspire another person to do something similar. It was really meaningful."  And so may it be. 

The Grief Support Group will begin meetings on Monday, Oct. 24, 10:30 a.m. at Village on the Green in Longwood, 500 Village Place. For more information about the program, call the Jewish Pavilion office at 407-678-9363.