Overcoming Apathy and Discouragement and Preparing for Rosh Hashanah

Preparing for Rosh Hashanah should not be a downer. It’s an auspicious, exciting time for clarity and closeness, grounded in positivity and love.

The Hebrew month of Elul, a spiritually super-charged time leading up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, has a surprising theme. The word “Elul” is an acronym for the phrase “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me” that comes from King Solomon’s Song of Songs (6:3).

To borrow from Tina Turner’s famous song, what’s love got to do with it? Why does this phrase that articulates the deep longing between two lovers, which is a metaphor for the love between God and the Jewish People, serve as the core focus of preparing for Rosh Hashanah?

What’s the Essence of Rosh Hashanah?

Rosh Hashanah transports you back to the very beginning of time when God, as CEO of the universe, was setting budgets and job descriptions for all of humanity. As a mutli-gazzilionaire, there is no limit to what this CEO can allocate. The only limit is His employees’ understanding of the company’s vision and the extent of their responsibility to implement the CEO’s bottom line.

On Rosh Hashanah, you stand before God, a.k.a. the CEO of the universe, making your case for the upcoming year. The previous year is over; your past performance is not relevant. Every person is starting a new chapter and everything is up for grabs. Now is the time to get clarity, articulate your dreams, and genuinely commit to make them happen.

The month of Elul is the crucial time period to recalibrate your goals and get ready to make your presentation to the Boss Himself.

Two Obstacles

But embracing this challenge requires overcoming two sizable obstacles that you may find yourself slamming into: apathy and discouragement.

You feel pretty distant from God and are perfectly content to stay where you are, putting in your minimal effort to live a decent life and spending the rest of your time on social media and binge-watching, and whatever fix you need to comfortably pass away the time. Apathy stops all growth in its tracks.

And if you do want to work on personal growth and take preparing for Rosh Hashanah seriously, there’s that voice that whispers in your ear: “Who are you kidding? How many times have you gone down this road, and look where you are? In the exact same spot, with the exact same issues. People don’t change. Admit it, you’re a failure and there is no reason to think this year will be any different.”

Discouragement saps your energy and cynically undermines your ability to change.

The phrase “I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me” that typifies the essence of Elul is the life preserver you need to extract you from your debilitating apathy and discouragement.

How so?

Love is the Pillar

Stephen Covey, the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” popularized the expression, “Love is a verb.” One of Judaism’s commandments is “to love your neighbor” which most commentaries define as expressing love through action. It’s tricky to mandate an emotion; commanding action is far more doable.

Marriage is the commitment to shower your spouse with acts of love, no matter what mood you’re in and whether or not you’re feeling the love. Regardless of your feeling, love her — meaning put your love into action. Show affection, give compliments, go out on a date, be curious and listen, and most importantly care about the things your spouse cares about.

Putting your love into action fosters feelings of love. What starts as a verb becomes an object. And the distance you may have been feeling between you and your spouse dissipates as the intimacy is restored.

Now apply this with God. It’s okay if you’re not feeling the love. Love is a verb; just do it. Don’t wait for the sudden inspiration. Take a few quiet moments and ask yourself: what are the things that are important to God that I can work on making important to me? Give yourself some time to answer; you may be surprised to hear what your inner self says when you access it with honesty and vulnerability.

Then select one or two things that speak most to you and start implementing them, slowly but surely. These first steps loosen the shackles of apathy and help close the spiritual distance you may be feeling with God. But you need to make the first move, not God. That’s why the phrase begins, “I am for my beloved” – it’s starts with you taking the first step.

The Ultimate Cheerleader

Love flows both ways. Once you take that first step in drawing closer to God, your efforts will be met with God’s welcoming embrace. God’s love is a constant. Even the smallest step forward impacts the tenor of the relationship.

God reciprocates, as expressed in the second part of the phrase, “and my Beloved is for me.” This is essential to overcoming discouragement.

While you may have moments where you feel like throwing in the towel and give up on yourself, God sees what you’re really made of. As your Creator Who invested in you immeasurable potential for greatness that only you can achieve through your unique mission in life, God is rooting for you and wants you to succeed. Feel that love and allow it to empower you to take the next step forward in your journey.

Preparing for Rosh Hashanah should not be a heavy downer. It’s an auspicious, exciting time for clarity and closeness, grounded in positivity and love.

That’s why the essence of Elul is expressed through the phrase “I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me”, underscoring the love that exemplifies this period.

Turns out that love has everything to do with it. Initiating small steps to strengthen your relationship with God will shake off your apathy and arouse a greater feeling of love and closeness. And this, in turn, will be reciprocated by God’s constant love, giving you the encouragement and confidence to plow forward, step by step, in fulfilling your life’s journey.

Rabbi Nechemia Coopersmith lives in Jerusalem with his wife and children. He is the chief editor of Aish.com, one of the world’s largest Judaism websites. He is the author of “Shmooze: A Guide to Thought-Provoking Discussion on Essential Jewish Issues” — a must-have little book for anyone who loves a good question, and the co-author of “Rabbi Noah Weinberg’s 48 Ways to Wisdom and Wisdom for Living: Rabbi Noah Weinberg of the Parsha.”