VIEWPOINT: The importance of human relationships in a time of grief

I suddenly woke up this morning at 3:16 a.m., and knew I had to write this article.

I recently went on a trip to Israel. The country is in the middle of a war and the people are grieving. I went with a Christian organization, CityServe, and also with the support of another Christian ministry. When I boarded the EL AL plane, a woman said “you know there is a war going on there, right?”

The trip changed my life.

I am a neurosurgeon in Orlando, and I have lived here since 1999. As I get older, I am constantly looking for a purpose to justify my years of living on this earth. I have traveled to Ukraine after the war started, Maui after the fires, and most recently to Israel after the barbaric attacks of Oct. 7. The reason I travel to these places is to remind myself of how tragedy can demonstrate how amazing people are when the unimportant things are stripped away.

After a tragedy, people are not obsessed with politics, social media, or buying the latest luxury good or fancy electronic toy. When people lose everything, they are reminded about what is really important. The most important thing is our relationship with God and our relationships with those around us.

When I went to Israel, I toured moshav Ein HaBesor. Amazing individuals here fought off the terrorists with the help of God. They just happened to have a few M16s. They just happened to close the gates minutes before the terrorists arrived and they just happened to have a few very brave men protecting the moshav early in the morning. God was with them. They risked everything to preserve their way of life and save their families. They managed to hold off the terrorists while their families hid. The brave men had no idea of how they would succeed or if their families would survive. Some had to hold the doors to their safe rooms closed for hours while terrorists tried to kill them. The doors do not lock. They were successful and the terrorists moved on. Brother fought with brother to save the moshav. One brave man, Yftach Gepner, drove his Tesla at high speeds backward to save his brother who had been shot twice. God was with Yftach.

Another area was not so lucky. Kibbutz Nir Oz was decimated by the terrorists. Approximately 130 terrorists stormed the peaceful community and killed or kidnapped 100 of the residents. Only 400 lived there. One fourth of the community was brutalized. I toured this kibbutz. There was destruction everywhere. Buildings were burned. Homes were ransacked. There was blood everywhere, as if the attack had just happened. Safe rooms were filled with bullets and scorch marks were everywhere. Burning tires had been placed at the doors of the safe rooms to smoke out the occupants. They were then tortured and killed. The massacre was of medieval proportions. There were trails of blood where people had been killed and then dragged outside to be further brutalized.

Words cannot describe how violent and terrible the scenes were. True evil was present at this kibbutz. Everything was destroyed. The only sign of life was a few stray cats.

I also visited the refugees in Eilat. These people had been through a horrible ordeal. The only thing keeping them sane was the sense of family and community. The refugees are staying in a hotel. The accommodations are nice, but they are not home. Nevertheless, the people there are supporting each other with love and compassion in this horrible time. Their tight family groups and their optimism for the future is allowing them to survive. They are hurt and broken but they have the most important things on earth — a love of God and a love of those around them.

This is the most important thing I learned in Israel. When everything else is gone, we still have God and each other. On a personal note, I lost my wife two years ago and a relationship with someone I love very much recently ended. I mention this not for sympathy but to drive home two crucial points. First, God is always there and He loves us unconditionally. When everything is gone He is there with intense love. Some might argue that being completely alone is when you see God the best.

The second point is that the relationships with those around us can help heal our souls in the face of tragedy or loneliness. Lean into those around you when things look hopeless. Tell them how much you love them. Never take them for granted.

The trip to Israel absolutely changed my life. The people there have been through unspeakable evil but they survive by loving and helping each other. They will rebuild their communities and their lives. They are strengthened by the spark that keeps us all alive in times of trouble. They love God and they love each other and they will persevere.

This is why I travel to communities in need. I need to escape the daily dramas of my life and visit places where real humanity is there for everyone to see. Real people with real problems using their love of one another to get through a crisis.

Support Israel. Think about the people of Israel. Think about those around you that you love and make sure they know how deeply you love them. Remind those who you have lost and those who may have forgotten you how deeply you love them. Remind God how much you love Him.

This is what Christmas and Chanukah is about. It is not important if you get the toy or gift you really want. All you need is in front of you. Love those you are with and love those who are apart from you.

I travel to some tragic places, but I also see humanity at its best when I am there. This is what keeps me going.